Broccoli

Tonight I am looking forward to broccoli. Not the late famed producer of James Bond movies, but the green stuff. Broccoli (and sprouts, as well) seems to be anathema to some, but I love it. Despite the fact I should be relaxing in my sick-bed due to a stinking cold, I shall be venturing out later to my girlfriend's precisely because broccoli is on offer. Er... I should qualify that statement a little, I'm obviously not just going for the broccoli, I am also going to see her as well...

Now fish, that's a different matter. Broccoli in a nice cheesy white sauce (served with good quality sausages, I hope) is lovely. Fish in a white sauce, however, is, to me, merely a powerful emetic. You might as well mix it with the appropriate extra ingredients (diced carrot, tomato skins, battery acid and in my case, oddly, always sliced mushrooms) and throw it straight down the toilet.

And don't try telling me "fish is brain food." It isn't. I have a perfectly good brain, thank you very much, despite eating a lot of dodgy beef and no fish. Then of course there is fishing. The most dull sport ever invented (excepting perhaps Formula One grand prix). Fair enough if you are one of the deluded fools who eats the stuff, but fishing seems to largely involve catching them and then chucking them back in the water. It's just train spotting with maggots. Pointless.

Fish should be left to swim around, living their happy little watery lives unmolested, and certainly nobody should ever attempt to put any on a plate for me.

My broccoli awaits...