This is an appeal on behalf of...

...me.

My other half wants to get married. To me, of all people.

I am trying to work out an "innovative" and "creative" way of funding this event, preferably one which doesn't involve the letters "A" "P" and "R" or anything which refers to "your house is at risk if..."

Clearly I also don't fancy getting hitched in an orange suit with "sponsored by B&Q" written on the back.

Apparently the average British wedding now weighs in at more than £15000. This is some £16000 more than I have to spend. To put that into some kind of perspective, if a pound sterling was a pound in weight, this would bigger than a double decker bus or possibly, and I haven't checked, a whale. Definitely it would be bigger than a small whale, I'm not sure about a blue whale. It's bigger than an elephant, that's for sure.