The End Is Nigh!

...well, it isn't really, but I was stuck for a title for today, and I happened to be reading this rather excellent website on the subject of armageddon. Just doing a bit of research for when I decide to set up my own religion/cult in the future. As you do...

Here are my prophecies, so far:

1. Over the coming weeks, the sun will dim in the sky and the days will mysteriously become shorter. Animals will seek shelter and trees will lose their leaves. And the air will grow cold, and I advise all my followers to ensure that they wear nice warm coats when leaving their homes, and turn their heating up. If you do this, I will protect you from the cold, mark my words.

2. A chip shop will mystically receive my patronage later on, and I predict that I will buy donner kebab meat and chips. With a smattering of chilli sauce. Those who see me will believe me.

3. The man who forgot his password today, will forget it tomorrow as well.

Later, to recover from the stresses and strains of seeing these important revelations, I shall be resting with a good woman. My religion will obviously encourage such relaxation techniques, especially for the upper heirarchy, because, followers, it is good for the soul. Also good for the soul is money. Please send me yours. Oh, and anybody who can come up with a good name for my new religion can be a high priest of some sort.

Good bye followers, for the moment. I'm not ascending to a higher plane, I just have to nip out and get some fags.