BlibbleBlog

Lunchtime Freakiness

2008-10-14T22:26:00.003+01:00

Something bad happened yesterday lunchtime, something predictable happened today. Today, the bad was on my mind and not the predictable. Because it was predictable, I wanted to be ready for what happened today, but I wasn't when it actually happened. This is the way of the world. We react to what goes on around us.

3 things.

2008-09-15T22:23:00.002+01:00

I haven't bothered to write anything for ages, again. In fact I was sort of considering giving up and never coming here again. But there again... how else can I share the grumpy old man annoyance that results from the fact that already, even though it is only the start of September, the firework season has started. Surely it can therefore only be a matter of weeks before excessive Christmas lights appear.

Second on my list of reasons to bother writing something is the fact that another member of Pink Floyd has gone and died. Somewhat annoying this event occured (or was reported) shortly after the following conversation occured at work today:

Me: I went to see a Pink Floyd tribute band at the weekend.
Co-Worker: Yeh? Any good?
Me: Not bad. Of course even if hell freezes over and the real thing got back together it would cost a small fortune to go see them. And not a fiver each.
Co-Worker: Are they even all still alive?
Me: Yeh, all except Sid, but he doesn't count.

So, Richard Wright, a great player and an much overlooked part of the "classic" Floyd sound, sorry. Enjoy that great gig in the sky. And I really didn't mean to jinx you.

Finally, a moan about Summer. It was pointless and shite.

This is an appeal on behalf of...

2008-06-30T22:38:00.005+01:00

...me.

My other half wants to get married. To me, of all people.

I am trying to work out an "innovative" and "creative" way of funding this event, preferably one which doesn't involve the letters "A" "P" and "R" or anything which refers to "your house is at risk if..."

Clearly I also don't fancy getting hitched in an orange suit with "sponsored by B&Q" written on the back.

Apparently the average British wedding now weighs in at more than £15000. This is some £16000 more than I have to spend. To put that into some kind of perspective, if a pound sterling was a pound in weight, this would bigger than a double decker bus or possibly, and I haven't checked, a whale. Definitely it would be bigger than a small whale, I'm not sure about a blue whale. It's bigger than an elephant, that's for sure.

Why I Don't Post Often.

2008-06-04T21:36:00.003+01:00

I read this article the other day, which for anybody who can't be bothered to read it is about traditional typewriters and the fact that they are not only still available but that some folk still like to use them. One of the reasons that some give for continuing to use such an archaic piece of equipment is the lack of the ability to change your mind and delete stuff. And that is why I don't post often. I have often written. Then changed my mind and deleted and rewritten. Then quit, then started again. Then walked off, got a beer and come back and changed my mind about a bit and... well, in the end gone off and done something frankly more interesting instead. Or just gone to bed. Or should that be and gone to bed?

The other reason I've not posted anything is that all the stuff I've really wanted to post about, the things that really make me angry, that frustrate and threaten fatal spleen-venting, are things I haven't really been able to post about.

Could an un-vented spleen be the cause of my recent waist size increase?

Overload

2008-03-10T22:49:00.003Z

There's so much going on I am totally lost for choice as to what to spout bilge about. So, er... rather than having to choose and potentially risk being indecisive I'll just ignore it all and write nothing.

Mr Blue Sky

2008-02-09T22:43:00.000Z

I've just made a copy of "Out Of The Blue" by ELO to go in the car. This record reminds me of sitting in my back garden as a child putting stickers in my Panini "Football '78" sticker album :o) Oh for a time machine...

What's the bloody point?

2008-01-18T22:48:00.000Z

I come on here, I try to write free flowing witty stuff, and every time, without fail, I get error messages or hassle. And 98.3% of the time I decide that instead of bothering to correct it, I will delete it and press "random article" on Wikipedia instead. This is what we in the IT industry call "a sack of festering shite". Bah.

Class!

2008-01-07T22:50:00.000Z

2007. Interesting.

2008-01-02T22:07:00.000Z

Another year has flown by, and has finally finished with December which was a great month. So great I appear to have failed utterly to stop by here and write any bilge. Obviously because I was so busy (I actually was, as it happens.)

There are two things at least that I need to (and in one case should already have) pontificate further upon: first, the return of the mighty Wolfsbane. Who were mighty once again.

Secondly I bumped into Simon Pegg and Nick Frost on New Years Eve in the Isle of Wight, and was rendered speechless. Possibly because of Simon Pegg's hat which was ever so slightly trying a bit hard to be "cool" but looked a bit "wanker" which is disappointing, really. Or because I was pathetically star struck like a bloody tit. Best bit was we had just passed Somerfields, and I commented that I found it hard to take Somerfields seriously since watching Hot Fuzz. Yarrrp.

Did anything else happen? Oh yes, my Birthday (another year older), Christmas (nice), and New Year (happy new year).

Blimey

2007-11-18T21:38:00.000Z

Snow.

Dematerialisation.

2007-11-14T23:13:00.000Z

I set aside 20 minutes of my precious, and currently in short supply, personal time in order to write a quality diatribe about bloody excessive Christmas lights (and their mysterious delayed appearance in these parts this year - see previous years) and this damn thing a: attempts to convert my post to Hindi, and b: when I try and stop it converting my post to Hindi, causes my carefully crafted prose (er...) to vanish.

And there you have it, in one sentence, why I don't often bother spouting bilge any more. Even when I actually want to. Bastards.

2007-09-20T23:28:00.000+01:00

First things first, last time I bothered to write, I wrote of my brother and he and his missus's efforts for charideeeee: viz, driving across Europe in a motorised Anderson shelter. I am pleased to confirm that both "car" and drivers successfully made the trip and are a mere ferry trip away from returning to good old blighty. I think driving across the Alps and the Dolomites in a car (van to be specific) as old as me - and one made in France to boot - is good going, and I therefore commend you to visit my previous post and celebrate this act of derring do by clicking on the links therein and giving some money to a good cause.

And now other matters. I was doing "random pages" on Wikipedia earlier and discovered an entry for "wagon pop". Unsure what this genre was, I was led to a band called "The Henry Road". And it turns out that this genre is sort of progtastic. I am probably terribly late in discovering this fact, but I care not. He who laughs last... Or something.

READ, DIGEST, DONATE

2007-09-03T23:17:00.000+01:00

My brother (aka Spanners) is a good egg and for a living and for his enjoyment does things involving spanners, oil, grease, metal and old French cars (the old bit generally only applies to the enjoyment part rather than the living bit I think, to be fair). He and his other half have decided to take part in this years "Scally Rally" which involves driving across Europe in a "banger" - and all for charideeeeeeeee.

Whilst most are driving across Europe in cheapo rusty heaps they got out of Autotrader/Bargain Pages/Ebay, etc, Spanners and Mrs Spanners are attempting this in something old and French they have built out of a collection of bits of old French rust. Spanners has single handedly spent many many many many many hours piecing together bits of rust with an almost archaeological fervour in order to build his vehicle. So sponsor him NOW please. Thank you.

Usual Bilge

2007-08-31T23:46:00.000+01:00

I'm really pleased that I have now managed to forget to smoke for a full 3 weeks. Not only no cigarettes but also no "NRT" : 40 fags a day to no nicotine at all, cold turkey. And successfully for 3 weeks now.

I have obviously already spent the £191 I've saved up to this point... which leads me nicely to music. I have been quite restrained recently in my music purchases, especially since Music Zone (recently AKA Fopp) went bust, but I have been feeling that I needed some more prog in my life. In the first instance I purchased a Line 6 Toneport GX. However, my guitar playing is not, after a mere 20 years or so practice, up to prog (or much else, frankly.) Therefore today's prog recommendation is not me playing my latest masterpiece, but "Dream Theater" and their latest prog-metal (with a nod to Muse on at least one track) effort "Systematic Chaos".

On a non-prog front, today's other CD acquistition is the latest album by the mighty Orange Goblin. This viciously chilled out band should be enormously successful but won't be as "vicious" and "chilled out" in the same description is generally seen as unlikely. Add metal into the recipe, season with a healthy respect for the progmasters Pink Floyd, bake for a while at gas mark Black Sabbath, and then serve garnished with a dash of the blues, and sadly the chances of Orange Goblin laying waste to the mainstream are unlikely. A pity.

Ooooooh...

2007-08-16T22:39:00.000+01:00

...crikey, I appear to have continued to forget to smoke. It's heading for a week now. That must be what those feelings much like a large excavator with spiky wheels driving around inside my skull are trying to remind me about.

Lonely as a cloud...

2007-08-13T21:02:00.001+01:00

I appear to have failed to smoke any cigarettes since last Friday. This oversight, aside from leading to some strange headaches, hot flushes, etc, has also left me quite a few pounds (cash money pounds, not the weight variety) better off, and, as I was strolling around at lunchtime today (in Windermere - but not this far on this occasion - rather than Birmingham today for a change) I also appear to have regained some sense of smell. I was able to detect at some distance the odour of chips and could also tell that the person sitting directly behind me on the train back to Oxenholme was eating beef flavour crisps (every silver lining has a cloud, eh.)

Live Earth?

2007-07-09T17:16:00.000+01:00

According to the BBC, 413 people complained about Metallica's set being cut short on the TV. I'm pleased to say I was one of them. Why bother having a global musical event to raise awareness of something if you are not going to have a wide range of artists (and actually show them)? Are metal fans not supposed to do their bit to save the earth? Or are the Beeb's producers just a bunch of wanky Q reading tossers?

Santorini

2007-07-04T20:48:00.000+01:00

Mythos, Souvlaki, Ouzo... the views that no photo can do justice to... the volcano... the heat... the donkeys...

Ah, but back to the rain again now.

Why...

2007-06-20T22:39:00.000+01:00

...have I all but stopped blogging?

Aside from writers block, and just generally being too busy, it's largely because of having to mess around changing my account details to get on here, and then blogger denying my email address exists. So should I get a spark of inspiration, by the time I actually get on here, I'm so irritated I can't actually be bothered to write. And there you have it.

Porcupine Tree

2007-04-24T00:16:00.000+01:00

Just got back from Wolverhampton where I saw the majestic Porcupine Tree who were feckin ace.

Marvellous

Stopgap

2007-03-23T20:25:00.000Z

Time to put fingers to keys again, as I appear to not have written anything at all in the last month. Not that I actually have anything specific to write about. Plenty of ideas have come and gone, none, it seems, have come and stayed. So, rather than blithering on about nothing for ages, I'm going to stop now having blithered on about nothing for just one measly paragraph.

Snow

2007-02-09T22:49:00.000Z

Much chaos hereabouts tonight as snow, finally, hits. Personally, aside from a delayed train (there were some trains before it that I could have caught, but I wasn't going to fight to get on), I had a reasonable trip home from work. The drive back from the station was slow but steady, despite the eejit on the hill in his super duper brand new Audi (clearly a cheap none-Quattro Audi, mind) who decided to give way unnecessarily to someone who wanted to come down the hill, and then took five minutes and a random stranger passing by pushing to get any kind of traction and make it to the top of the hill: traction, and therefore movement, was finally attained when Mr Audi heard, or random stranger passed on, my utterances from the open window of the Valhallamobile "second gear you f**king tw*t".

The rest of the journey was uneventful, if a bit smelly (due to having a cooked clutch as a result of waiting for Mr Audi to get traction) and slippery. I hear some folks took 4 hours to get back from the city centre. I took about 40-50 minutes: only 10 minutes or so longer than normal.

Of course, the end result of all this transport malarkey is that yet again my bathroom project slips back. Having got home, I decided that vodka was more important than grouting. Because of the stress, you see.

And what better to clear a bit of stress than vodka and Prog. This months Prog recommendations are Katatonia and Anathema. Both excellent.

Clean

2007-01-31T19:41:00.000Z

I managed to have a shower in my own house today, the first time I have been able to do much more than brush my teeth in my bathroom for two weeks. This is good. Better, there did not appear to be water appearing where water shouldn't appear.

Luckily, the new washbasin can be installed while the old one is still in situ. The new toilet however... will be planned and executed with military precision and take no longer than one day to fit... or I'm in real trouble!

Stud

2007-01-21T19:38:00.000Z

A colleague of mine at work, when planning any major project always includes a percentage of time/cost which he describes as "buggeration factor" - for those unforeseen moments when something unexpected crops up. This is always wise. Of course, calculating a sensible buggeration factor is reasonably easy at work, because we know our trade well enough to have an idea of the sort of things that are likely to unexpectedly happen. Unfortunately though, I think I have underestimated the buggeration factor involved in fitting a bathroom. By this time today I was very much hoping that I would be reporting that all my plumbing was done and I was hard at work tiling. Instead, I'm a day (that's 20%) behind schedule and still working on building partition walls. So all my buggeration factor is used up, and some. Bugger.

Wet Nightmares

2007-01-18T20:17:00.000Z

Ah, this plumbing malarkey, it's a doddle, isn't it... No.

Also, the Fish album I referred to previously isn't the one with a Steven Wilson input. I shall listen to it nevertheless!

Right, I have a bad back, and as I have leaking problems, no water (and therefore no central heating) tonight, so I am going to warm myself with vodka. And listen to the Fish album.

Wet Dreams

2007-01-17T22:12:00.000Z

Gosh - this is almost becoming a regular occurence again. Have no fear, I shall return to my more normal once every month or so posting before long. Anyway... tonight I am relaxing before embarking tomorrow morning on perhaps the most complicated of my DIY endeavours - the bathroom. Or rather, the conversion of the bathroom to a shower-room. All of the bulky material is here (mostly sitting on my nice, fairly freshly laid, but rapidly getting battered, laminate flooring in the living room) - I just have the minor issue of working out what additional pipes and what have you I need. Oh... and then fitting it all. After I've safely and non-damagingly (ie not flooding downstairs under the bathroom) removed the old one...

This should all lead to a nice, tidy, practical, attractive, and, most important of all and in contrast to the current situation, non-leaking bathroom.

Aside from the inevitable vodka, tonight's relaxation has included my latest CD acquisition, Marillion's "marillion.com". I purchased this album as I was curious as to what Marillion did these days, and as this album has some involvement from Steven Wilson of my current faves Porcupine Tree it was the obvious choice. As somebody who only knows Marillion from the days of Fish, it was something of a shock. On first listen I definitely spotted Steven Wilson's influence here and there, but the main thing that stood out for me was the vocalist, who to me, sounds like a bit like Glenn Tilbrook (of Squeeze). What I didn't notice was much to link it with Fish era Marillion. That's not a criticism, however. The album was pleasant enough, and I think a few more listens in the near future are required. Curiously I chose to put Breakfast in America by Supertramp on afterwards: a similar style, I think, more prog-pop than prog-rock. Shortly arriving on my doormat should be a recent-ish Fish album, also involving Steven Wilson. It will be interesting to compare and contrast.

Muddy Boots

2007-01-14T23:28:00.000Z

Headed for the hills today. Well, the countryside at any rate. And a pleasant stroll was had. It was oddly springlike. It's easy to forget at the moment that theoretically we are in the depths of winter, what with it being relatively warm, but the dead giveaway for me is the short days. I suppose that in days gone by when my ancestors would have been pillaging and raiding they'd have been too busy to notice the long nights and short days, but as the nearest I get to pillaging and raiding is the stationery cupboard I can tell you that I struggle. However, a trip out and a couple of miles in the woods does me the world of good and stops me wanting to hibernate. For a day or three at least.

And to prove it actually is winter, here is a robin, spotted earlier today.

...it appears there is.

2007-01-12T16:52:00.000Z

Yes, after whingeing last night, my CD arrived tonight (as is traditional with mail ordered CDs, with a smashed case). Better still, my Porcupine Tree DVD also arrived. And it's Friday. And there is at least half a litre of vodka in the house. After a tiring, stressful, week at work, the sofa and flat screen beckon me...

Is There Anybody Out There...

2007-01-11T23:21:00.000Z

...from the Post Office? Prompted by my chums at Planet Rock who played the live version of "Is There Anybody Out There" from The Wall a couple of times last week, I ordered the live Floyd album of the same name. And said album was despatched on Saturday, but has yet to find it's way onto my doormat, unlike junk mail despatched more recently. Poor show.

At this rate my new bathroom is going to arrive sooner (despite being ordered later, considerably heavier and, I hope, too large to fit through my letter box) and I'll be so busy plumbing and tiling that I won't have time to listen to it. Pah!

Stupid Dream

2007-01-05T22:38:00.000Z

Roger Waters (ex Pink Floyd bassist) is out and about doing some gigs this year, apparently doing Floyd stuff. Sod that. Porcupine Tree are also out and about doing some gigs this year doing their own stuff.

I reckon that for the cost of one Water ticket, I can get two tickets for 'Tree and have change for a Floyd tribute band and a couple of pints.

No contest.

Incidentally, any readers with a knowledge of one or two recent Porcupine Tree albums and who have received Waters tickets for Christmas should check out PTs "Stupid Dream" album.

(Ideally the surround sound version with a packet of "Aquadrops" to hand...)

Mashed

2007-01-05T00:28:00.000Z

Golly. Apparently, most people who fall down stairs to their doom are either under the influence or ill. Shocking.

I once fell up the stairs and managed to bash my head on the ceiling. Concussion and a trip to casualty ensued. And I was totally sober.

New Year

2007-01-01T21:51:00.000Z

Well, that's 2006 over and done with. It had some good bits and some bad bits, but I'm not missing it yet.

Festivities

2006-12-21T21:32:00.000Z

A week full of action for me - I was down in London on Monday night for my Tenacious D winnings (which was excellent, and I spent the following day getting a bit of culture as well. Oh, and some dinosaurs also.) Oh for an underground system (or a decent over ground transit system) here in Birmingham. As an "outsider" being able to traverse large unknown areas of a largely unknown city in the relative safety of a train makes an evening out a lot more pleasant.

Anyway... other exciting events this week have seen the inevitable passage of time make me a year older. This is to be celebrated properly tomorrow, as will Yule and the solstice. And it will be celebrated in the form of vodka. Hoorah!

Bollards...

2006-11-30T23:24:00.000Z

... after 11 months, I still haven't quite got the hang of parallel parking my current car.

Aquadrops

2006-11-27T22:49:00.000Z

I've had a terribly exciting day - first, I almost but not quite made it into the office on time, later I created an excellent office layout map in Visio, then I had a phone call from my favourite radio station, the excellent Planet Rock informing me that I had won a spiffing trip to London to see Tenacious D live, later still the afternoon passed swiftly. Finally, while in Sainsburys I both spotted and remembered to actually buy a packet of AquaDrops "sweets". I haven't had any for a good few months now, and was really quite excited at rediscovering them. They are a delicacy at those "special" times later in the evening when you have a bit of a dry throat and perhaps the merest hint of an urge to eat something, while not actually sure what but you think it might well be a kit-kat. Or some Jaffa Cakes. Or toast. Toast would be good...

Fish

2006-11-22T23:25:00.000Z

I just read this interesting article and can't help but think that the terminology is wrong. Fish have personalities? Surely not - surely they would be fishonalities, or perhaps even piscanalities?

And now on an entirely different bearing all together: as I nipped out for a beef szechuan earlier this evening (having had to pump up my tyre, hrummmph) I couldn't help but notice that Christmas must now be less than two months away - yes, the locals here in Chavsfield are all busy preparing their annual tribute (in a strictly financial manner) to the electricity supply companies - the gloriously over the top festive lighting...

"Welcome To The 1970's"

2006-10-18T13:38:00.000+01:00

I now have both double glazing and central heating. Marvellous. And warm.

UberDIY

2006-10-02T23:06:00.000+01:00

It's been a little while since I last bothered to write anything here, but I feel a need now.

Firstly, I have a lovely new girl friend, who isn't actually that new but that's a long story I'm not going to go into now, oh, okay, she's an old girlfriend who didn't get the best time-slot in my life previously, and is fitting much more nicely into the current one. Where was I?

Ah yes... Secondly... and titularily, DIY. In fact UberDIY.

I've knocked out part of a fine, structural, brick wall in my house to move a doorway. The house has yet to fall down. My DIY skills have improved...

Crocodile Hunter

2006-09-04T19:01:00.000+01:00

Steve Irwin - kind of got what he deserved, I think. Rather like a child who taunts his elder sibling knowing full well that sooner or late, he will get clobbered!

Nice

2006-08-28T11:22:00.000+01:00

It's Bank Holiday weekend, and really, like everybody else in the UK, I should have been doing some DIY, or going away, or whatever, but instead I've just been relaxing. Part of my relaxation has involved staying up far too late, getting up far too late, and well, generally just being lazy. That's not to say I haven't thought about DIY (I even managed a trip to the DIY shop to look at some prices) and it's certainly not to say that I haven't done anything: on the contrary my lazy weekend has included two trips to the pub, including a smashing gig last night (with a smashing girly - hello Bumps!) but all these things have been managed without any form of stress or harassment or grief. Or excessive output of energy.

Even the two hours sitting through a double glazing saleswoman's hard sell on Saturday, despite her throwing everything into her "performance" including emotional blackmail, has failed to upset my calmness levels. The minor inconvenience of having to pop around to my brother's a couple of times a day to feed their cat has proved to be nothing more than a... well, minor inconvenience.

All in all, therefore, this weekend has been nice. Right, positive mind and all that, I'm now going to mow my lawns in a relaxed manner.

Shocking

2006-08-23T21:59:00.000+01:00

When I was a child, electrical storms used to quite frighten me. As I got older, the fear disappeared, to the point that, some years ago now, I ran up and down the garden during a thunder storm holding up a big metal pole shouting "come and get me you bastard". Okay, that might actually have been the doing of drink and drugs, but you get the picture.

This evening though there has just been a storm here which has, I have to admit, slightly concerned me as - not just because of the effect it has had on my net connection - I don't think I have ever heard thunder so loud in my life. The final "blast" (I can't think of a better word) made my entire house shake violently. In fact, as soon as it's stopped torrentially raining, I suppose I'd better make sure my roof is still there...

RnB

2006-08-12T22:15:00.000+01:00

What with xlgf being a distant memory, I have returned to that most marvelous of totally time wasting pastimes, the internet "dating" site.

Of course, this type of site, and the majority of those that use them, have as much to do with dating as cow dung has to do with salad. But this is not my point tonight. My point is music.

Now, you may be wondering how I am going to meander my way from dating sites to music? Well, it's simple. On the site that I use most, there is a field the user (we shall call them the "prospective shag") can complete entitled "favourite music". Almost invariably in the case of the women I have looked at, this field contains three letters: rnb. Or a variant thereof (they're not too good at spelling, some of these young ladies. Worryingly so in some cases...)

If "rnb" referred to the classic rhythm and blues of the past, the kind of stuff that everybody knows from the likes of the Blues Brothers, this would be a good thing. The Who, after all, initially billed themselves as "maximum R'n'B" and indeed they were pretty much just that.

Sadly of course, they don't mean that at all. No, what they actually mean is the sort of sub-Whitney Houston crap that is so beloved of chavs everywhere, because they don't have to think about it. When I was younger it was called "soul" music and the chief protagonists were Luther Vandross et al. Clearly, even the pillocks that market this stuff have had a moment of conscience and decided that as there is no soul whatsoever in their plastic computer generated pap they needed to change the name. But "r'n'b"? No.

R'n'B, for those that don't know, stands for rhythm and blues. Some wobbly voiced pouty lipped woman singing a dirge to a music-by-numbers manufactured "tune" is not rhythm and blues. Change the name. Please!

Muse

2006-08-09T23:07:00.000+01:00

A quick word about the new album by Muse - it's great.

Pleasant

2006-08-08T20:48:00.000+01:00

I've never been a fan of Tuesdays. Indeed I'm sure I've moaned about them before. But today, I've had a really pleasant day, despite it being a Tuesday and having to deal with some stressful stuff.

In fact today was such a pleasant day, I didn't even get too cross when I just spoke to an Indian call centre operator who didn't understand what I was saying and was on a line so poor I'd have been better off trying to use a megaphone. So pleasant a day, I'm almost in the mood to finally write something new for my website. Almost. That's on top of almost being in the mood to pick up my guitar (and play), almost being in the mood to do some house work and almost being in the mood to go for a quick stroll just for the sake of some fresh air and exercise. Marvellous.

Itch

2006-08-06T00:41:00.000+01:00

Before I start this, can I just point out that I applied factor 60 sun cream to my head before the damage was done, and therefore, no I don't deserve it.

My head is itching due to it peeling owing to the sunburn. And this is just the start. I have my feet to come. I can now, almost, understand those individuals who choose to wear socks with sandals. Actually I can't. Give me sunburnt feet any time.

Holiday

2006-08-04T17:47:00.000+01:00

I'm back from my holiday. I have sunburnt feet (and ankles, painfully) and, also due to sunburn, an itchy head.

xlgf

2006-07-30T00:09:00.000+01:00

I'm not going to bitch. I'm not going to be celebratory. I'm not going to be maudlin. I perhaps shouldn't even comment. But lovely girlfriend is now ex-lovely-girlfriend.

This is a pity. But it was necessary. We both went through a lot and held things together, but there comes a point when you have to admit defeat.

I wish her all the best for the future.

For me, this whole experience has cancelled out almost all of my bad karma, so my future is hopefully looking bright!

Circles

2006-07-28T21:51:00.000+01:00

I've been doing this blog malarkey for 2 years now, nearly. I first started when I got back from a (from my point of view) not very exciting, quite depressing short holiday. Just before I went away, my then girlfriend decided that she didn't want to go with me. Since I was taking my son with me, I couldn't not go.

Now, wouldn't it be slightly, just ever so slightly, annoying if history had repeated itself?

Common Courtesy

2006-07-22T01:51:00.000+01:00

There's not enough of it about.

Metal

2006-07-14T23:41:00.000+01:00

A quick post on the topic of music. I suppose I should mention, what with me being a fairly keen Pink Floyd fan, the passing of Syd Barrett. But I won't. It's been done to death (ahem), and there will be many folks who have written more eloquently and more reverentially than I ever would or could.

Instead, I have found this link to the "10 most ridiculous Metal album covers" which is both better written and a lot wittier than anything I can manage at this time of the night after this much vodka. All in all, it's a lot cheerier than me blithering on about Syd and Floyd as well.

And if that link isn't cheery enough, why not try Nudist Trampolining?

Stupidity

2006-06-28T20:42:00.000+01:00

I have had my wrists slapped today by a regular reader because she has not had anything to read regularly for some time now. A comment was passed suggesting that this was almost becoming seasonal. Well, seasonal is regular in my book, but I think I know what she means.

Luckily life has built up in the last week or so a number of things that I can actually write about.

The first is the reason that this is entitled "stupidity" - you can either assign that trait to me if you believe that what I am about to write is a piece of generalising sexist rubbish, or to those I am about to write about. Choice is yours...

Why is that women have not realised that you don't actually have to park your car next to petrol pump with the fuel filler cap right next to the pump? This evening I went to fill up, and was amused to see a large queue developing behind me. All women. All waiting to use the pump I was using. And yet... there were another 4 pumps with nobody using them at all. Ladies, I have to tell you - those pipes that come out of the petrol pump actually stretch far enough so that you can fill up your car EVEN WHEN THE FILLER CAP IS ON THE OPPOSITE SITE OF THE CAR FROM THE PUMP! Yes!

And now, to lighten the mood, the end of the world. In Japanese.

Noise

2006-06-09T17:57:00.000+01:00

Summer is here (yeh, I know, spring had barely started last time I bothered to write here...) And of course this means that here in Chavsfield it is mandatory to open all of the windows of your house and sit around outside while your stereo inside pumps out appalling dance music at 156 decibels.

Back in September of 2004 I wrote something about this situation and the tricky "do I retaliate or not" scenario. Currently, I am not so much retaliating as trying to drown it out, with the rather wonderful Orange Goblin - sadly my normal "drown out" CD, Metallica's black album, is sat at Lovely Girlfriend's in Backwoodsgrove (which is where I'd also rather be sat but for the fact I am catching up with my old mate Jim tonight). The drowning out option is certainly working for me at the moment, which is good, as I really don't want to use my doomsday device - yes, the Marshall is plugged in, ready to go - all I need to do is turn it on, wait for the valves to warm up...and then treat the neighbourhood to Black Sabbath's greatest hits...

Munchies (once more)

2006-04-23T20:18:00.000+01:00

Cadburys Crunchies... smaller than they used to be, or what? Or perhaps it was just the ones I got with my easter egg. Whichever, I was mildly disappointed, as being of an apparently smaller size, it makes my chosen way of eating Crunchies (biting the chocolate off the outside, then eating the honeycomb stuff from the middle afterwards) much harder because it's far trickier to hold the de-chocolated honeycomb without breaking it. Or so it seems.

Meanwhile, I also note that you can get "mini" Jaffa Cakes. Beware, this is just a ploy. Before you know it they will become the norm, and "normal" Jaffa Cakes will be sold as "giant" Jaffa Cakes with a predictably higher price! None of which however solves the eternal "cake or biscuit" question...

As for what's been going on since I last bothered to write anything, Lovely Girlfriend arrived back fit, well and safe from Australia, and has not as yet shown any sign of deep vein thrombosis.

We have also managed a weekend away at Easter, though to the decided less exotic, and certainly less tropical, Forest of Dean. In a tent. Sleeping on an airbed which decided for whatever reason (puncture seems the most likely) not to stay filled with air. Not withstanding being a little chilly and uncomfortable at night, however, we still had a pleasant time, and I think Lovely Girlfriend may be persuaded to repeat the experience at some future point in time...

Toast

2006-03-26T02:50:00.000+01:00

I very much meant to mention something odd when I blogged earlier, but I was somewhat sidetracked, perhaps even blinded, by thoughts of the imminent return of Lovely Girlfriend.

The thing I meant to mention was toast. I drove over to fetch my son from his mother's this afternoon, and as we drove back to mine, I noticed the smell of toast. I asked my son "Have you had toast for lunch," and he said no. As we drove on the smell became more obvious. My son agreed that there was indeed a toasty smell pervading the car. This began to worry me. What, I wondered, in an engine, would smell like toast? Could it be the head gasket? Do they smell of toast? Perhaps I have a brake pad binding. Would that smell of toast? Perhaps the car is about to burst into flames, and the toasty smell is just the general odour of the engine compartment burning?

We made it back to my house safely, with no sign of flame, smoke, burnt out brakes or destroyed engine, but out of curiosity, I decided to have a peek under the bonnet.

And there, arranged across the rocker cover, was indeed toast. Somehow, I presume, I have managed to drive over somebody's sandwiches, and they have managed to fly up inside the engine compartment and arrange themselves on top of the engine, whereupon they have been toasted. Nice crusty bread as well.

If anybody else had a key for my car I would be a touch suspicious, because the bread was arranged in such a way that you wouldn't imagine could occur accidentally, especially given the design and arrangement of the engine compartment of my car.

But nobody else, to the best of my knowledge, has a key to my car. And as far as I am aware the bonnet can only be opened from within the car. So how did the bread get where it did? I don't know. If it was a strange random event, then that's pretty weird. And if it wasn't a strange random event, then that is weirder still...

Normality Nears

2006-03-25T19:17:00.000Z

This is probably my final jotting before Lovely Girlfriend returns on Monday, unless something particularly interesting happens tomorrow, and I'm pleased to say that I did manage to do one of the things on my "to do list" today. I fixed my vacuum, and so, to celebrate, I actually used it and now have a nice non-grubby rug in my living room.

And that's it. That's all I have to report. Make the most of it, because it'll be back to a couple of blogs a month if you're lucky.

Travelling

2006-03-22T21:06:00.000Z

I've had a great, but tiring, day. I've been to Newcastle. Newcastle itself seems alright, but to be honest I didn't see very much of it, because I was working. Nice bridge though.

Now, without coming over all Jimmy Saville "This is the age of the train", it was the journey I enjoyed. Whereas when I drove to Bristol last week all I really saw was the motorway, going by train means you can look out of the window. Sideways, rather than forwards. And this means you can effectively do a bit of sight-seeing. Today I have seen castles, ruins, Durham Cathedral, York Minster, the crooked spire of Chesterfield, and of course lots of lovely English country side. And actually been able to look at them for longer than a microsecond without having to dodge traffic.

Durham Cathedral looks magnificent, I think that was the highlight. Nice and visible when the train stops at Durham station, all they really need to do is demolish the rest of Durham to really set it off. York Minster is also a fascinating building, albeit one I have seen before, but still pleasant on the eye. The crooked spire? Well, I just think it looks like a wonky church spire and a bit odd to be honest. But nevertheless, still an interesting sight. The Angel of the North, it has to be said, doesn't look terribly impressive from the train, as you don't get an idea of it's scale (I assume from pictures I have seen of it looming over the road up there that it is fairly large.)

And the Tyne Bridge in Newcastle, you get a good view of that from the train as well. I could go on and on and on. But I won't.

Give us yer fockin money!

2006-03-21T22:13:00.000Z

Not a great day today, but did get 3 postcards from Lovely Girlfriend, in one of which, sent after a visit to a mint (of the striking coins variety, not the Polo type) she says that they do this thing were they weigh you and tell you literally how much your weight in gold is worth. Which was quite a lot of Australian Dollars, but not even a fraction of her true value (how, after all, can you have a fraction of priceless?)

So anyway, as I have no intention of selling Lovely Girlfriend, but have something of a cash crisis, if there happens to be anybody passing by who would like, for no obvious reason, to give me money, it would be greatly appreciated!

Spring

2006-03-20T22:46:00.000Z

Is Spring ever actually going to arrive? Or, has the Gulf Stream finally given up the ghost?

Probably not. Yet. But I'm bored of Winter now, I could do with some sunlight. British Summer Time does start on Sunday morning however, which is one good thing. I get to go home in daylight, cold though it may be. And today is the spring equinox, so daylight is now winning the battle over the darkness of winter. Lighter it may be, but a bit of sun wouldn't go amiss, surely? At the end of last March I managed to get sunburnt, this year I'm more likely to get frostbite...

Short Term Memory Loss

2006-03-19T20:50:00.000Z

Drat. Really, reading back, I have already done the going to work in a positive way bit already. Last week on my Bristol trip. Never mind, it filled some space, and I was getting slightly concerned about the possibility of the house burning down which was perhaps distracting me a little.

Oh, and I forgot to mention rabbits. Rabbits. There we go.

Pie...

2006-03-19T20:19:00.000Z

...well everything needs a title, doesn't it? And I'm shortly to eat pie. Chicken and Mushroom pie. With no discernable chicken. Or mushroom, for that matter. I may have moaned about this before, though a quick flick through the last week or so's blogging efforts would appear to show that I haven't. The joys of short term memory loss, eh.

Speaking of short term loss, this time in a week Lovely Girlfriend will be on an aeroplane heading home. This of course means that my infrequent ramblings here will be become even less frequent again, so make the most of my possibly duplicated comments about pie while you can.

It also means that I have just one week to cram in all the stuff on my to-do list of which so far I have still done just one item. However things are looking good for at least one attempt at "going into work with positive attitude". Maybe tomorrow. Depends on the nature and length of my sleep tonight, really. As I have a good book to read an early night perhaps is too much to hope for...

Wednesday, I suspect, is the most likely day for this strange event to occur as I am out travelling again, and off to Newcastle. The "Upon Tyne" one, not the "Under Lyme" variety. I've never been there, but I'm quite looking forward to going. Unfortunately I shall only be there for about 3 hours, and working. Which sadly allows little time for a sightseeing stroll around what I believe the locals call "toon", but I will get to see the River Tyne and look for fog and what have you. The only minor blip on the positivity side is the fact I am going by train and will therefore be a nicotine-starved wreck by the time I arrive after the three and a half hour journey. That's three and a half hours assuming no delays...

My pie is now calling me. As is the fact, now I look in that direction, that my clothes horse looks set to imminently collapse into the fire...

Tea

2006-03-17T21:18:00.000Z

I have a mug of tea next to me. For a lot of people, I'm sure, this is not an unusual occurence, but I actually cannot remember the last time I drank tea.

It's not bad either. But I think I'll go back to the coffee next time around.

Gyratory System

2006-03-15T21:41:00.000Z

I've had a great day today. On the grounds that a change is as good as a rest, I decided to get out of the office and hit the road. So, as there was a long outstanding piece of work that required attention in Bristol, that was where I headed.

Bristol is an interesting place. Full of interesting road layouts. As you approach there are lots of signs suggesting that parking and riding is a great idea. And indeed this was my initial plan. But a combination of there being no free parking spaces at the park and ride site, and having a really, really heavy laptop bag full of stuff left me with no choice but to drive into the city.

So, I drove in.

Now, in fairness, I had been warned that drivers in Bristol will carve you up in ways that haven't even been thought of elsewhere. And this is indeed the case. They also ignore traffic lights in ways that put even Birmingham bus drivers to shame. And indicators? Well, they're just there for when you need your hazard lights on when you double park, aren't they?

All said though, I don't blame them. A more confusing road layout with less useful signposting I have yet to come across. Whereas in Brum, people will jump traffic lights or cut you up basically because they are pillocks, in Bristol I'm convinced it's because even the locals haven't got the faintest idea what they should be doing.

This may all sound quite contrary to my initial statement that I had a good day, but I did really. I got the work I needed to get done done, and then trundled off to visit my uncle and aunt for a cuppa or five, and discuss the finer points of problem solving technique, ODBC drivers, Pink Floyd, PIC controllers, frog spawn, APIs, elderly relatives and bloatware.... and then I came home and found I finally had a post card from Lovely Girlfriend. Marvellous!

Catching Up

2006-03-14T22:39:00.000Z

I am pleased to report that, so far, last night's "to do list" has been largely untroubled bar item number one - catch up with old mates. Though in fairness that was a slight cheat, as I'd already set the wheels in motion prior to writing my list. Oh, and item number 18, go into work with a positive attitude, was perilously close to being achieved today, and in a round about way could be achieved tomorrow.

Not to worry! I shall merely add more to my list if I start ticking too many items off.

I shall now offer some advice, linked to "catching up with old mates": the longer you leave getting in touch, the harder it is to actually get around to doing it. So, do it now. And if you are lucky, whatever reason it was you fell out of contact will be forgotten and you will remember why you were friends in the first instance. Alternatively, you will swiftly remember why you haven't bothered getting in touch for so long - and then you know not to bother again. Thankfully, my old mate Jim fell into the first category. Catching up was brief and then the conversation carried on pretty much where it left off three years ago.

So today has been good - despite it being a Tuesday, and I really don't like Tuesdays. And... its another day nearer the return of Lovely Girlfriend!

To Do List

2006-03-13T20:04:00.000Z

Just two weeks before Lovely Girlfriend is back and a: I will eat vegetables again, rather than oven chips and whatever happens to be lurking in the freezer and, b: this blog will return to it's intermittent near dormant level. There are of course many other very good things to look forward to, but as far as the public domain is concerned just these two will do.

My new strategy for coping is to plan to do as many things as possible in the next two weeks, thus ensuring that even without my natural tendency to lethargy, I will not have enough to time to do it all, and that by this time next week, I'll be moaning about this, rather than the fact I am missing Lovely Girlfriend.

Here is my list of things to do, so far:

1. Catch up with old mates
2. Fix the vacuum
3. Defrost the freezer
4. Clean the oven
5. Fix the toilet cistern
6. Visit parents and extract dinner from them (though this may involve vegetables. Which may spoil things.)
7. Copy old bootlegged tapes onto CD
8. Copy what vinyl records I have and have not "upgraded" to CD onto CD
9. Weed the garden, and get rid of dead remains of last years bedding plants
10. Clean pond filter system (stupid fish are starting to thing spring has arrived...)
11. Write new material for website
12. Simulate and photograph crash landing of alien spacecraft in Welsh mountains for website
13. Discover new species of pigeon
14. Learn Latin
15. Attempt to cook something that doesn't come out of a packet
16. Single handedly sail around the British Isles on an inflatable matress
17. Design and commence construction of space rocket
18. Go into work with positive attitude
19. Create world's largest topiary ostrich
20. Invent solution to global warming.

So not a lot, really, but it should keep me busy...

Snow?

2006-03-12T19:18:00.000Z

Last night, reading the weather forecast, I was getting all excited - something to look forward to today, snow. Finally, thought I, a chance to take my son sledging.

The forecast seemed quite definite - heavy snow. Excellent.

So, I tucked myself into bed last night and settled down to sweet dreams of Lovely Girlfriend fully expecting to awake to a slightly late, what with it being spring and all that, winter wonderland. And I woke up and found what? A few flakes in a dark spot of the garden. So instead of rushing off to pick my son up at the last possible moment, I had a bit of a drive around first. I checked on the local hills. No snow - well certainly not enough of the stuff to consider any type of winter sport.

Never mind, however - my plan had one obvious flaw - relying on the weather aside - I don't actually own a sledge.

Sod's Law now means that of course I'll wake up tomorrow and there'll be tons of the stuff, ready for rush hour and a nightmare struggle into work.

Comfortably Numb...

2006-03-11T22:40:00.000Z

...was on the radio this afternoon. The live version, the same one that Lovely Girlfriend and I often listen to as we fall asleep in each others arms. And I had to turn it off.

It just wasn't right. I can listen to the original album version, I can even just about bear the Scissor Sisters version, but the live version? Without Lovely Girlfriend? Just wrong.

Luckily, well, lucky if I wanted to listen to a live version of Comfortably Number while Lovely Girlfriend is away, there happened to be a concert on the radio by David Gilmour, and in the course of procedings he and his band managed an excellent live Comfortably Numb which I managed to record...

...but not until after a cable nightmare. All I needed, to connect the radio to the laptop so I could record the most excellent Mr Gilmour, was either a 1/8th inch stereo mini-jack (male) to 1/8th inch stereo mini-jack (male) lead, or alternatively a 1/8th inch stereo mini-jack (male) to RCA audio connectors lead. A doddle, you might think, though perhaps only if you'd seen my audio lead collection about 10 years ago. After spending a frantic half an hour demolishing all known storage areas in the house, I had got to a point where I had two old sets of headphones, a pair of wire strippers, some insulating tape and the soldering iron, when out of the blue the perfect 1/8 inch stereo mini-jack (male) to 1/8th inch stereo mini-jack (male) cable turned up. Right next to the stereo, as it happens.

Then I had to actually test recording the radio onto the laptop. It didn't work. So, to cut a long story short, I had to download recording software, install it, configure it, configure the laptop so it recorded from the right input, and then, perish the thought, I had to put up with banal BBC Radio 2 for 5 minutes before the actual concert started.

But record it I have: it's not a brilliant copy, but at least Comfortably Numb isn't causing uncomfortable "I'm missing you" moments.

And now to complete the "Comfortably Numb" theme, I shall have another drink.

The Blues...

2006-03-09T21:14:00.000Z

No, not a football team of any description. Perish the thought. That feeling you get when the sky is grey, the days are still too short and Lovely Girlfriend is thousands of miles away on the other side of the world. That sort of blues. And my excuse for not having actually got around to writing any new stuff for my website. Actually, that's not true, I have written some new stuff, but I'm not that happy with it. Though that could just be me being miserable...

Bereft

2006-03-07T19:29:00.000Z

Lovely girlfriend has gone to Australia for a few weeks. I did think this might be an opportunity to maybe do some things I haven't spent much time on recently. Like blog. Or even create some new material for the increasingly forlorn and cobwebby website but alas instead I have just been all miserable because I'm missing her.

That said, I have at least made the effort to type this... so maybe... just maybe... I might find the motivation to trawl the dark depths of my imagination...

Munchies Part Deux: Malt Loaf

2006-02-25T22:20:00.000Z

Recently, during a rare foray into the supermarket, I decided that as well as the obligatory fags and booze, I needed - or rather Lovely Girlfriend and I needed - some kind of filling yet easy to eat and sweet foodstuff for later in the evening.

So I bought a malt loaf.

All evening I looked forward to the malt loaf. Although I was busy making every effort to destroy brain cells, I could not wipe out the desire. I yearned for it. Every inch of my body was tantalised, taut, on edge, waiting for the...

Sorry, I must apologise, I got a little carried away and forgot I was writing a blog rather than Fiesta's Reader's Stories page. On with the crucial bit.

The malt loaf was presliced.

Presliced. Already sliced, sliced in the packet, sliced and ready to apply butter to, with no slicing required.

"A benefit", you may say.

No. Preslicing causes the crusts to dry out and the edges of the sliced section to dry out. Dry so no amount of butter will revive it. I'd like to say I was disappointed, and indeed I was, but more, I was upset that the familiar gooey, sticky, sweet, but nonetheless filling, and in theory at least not too unhealthy, snack was not how it should be.

But its not just the dryness. It's the thickness too. EVERYBODY knows that the crusty bits at the end should be cut thickly (then piled high with butter, of course). While the rest of the slices should be cut at random thicknesses so there is variety. In the presliced version, each slice is cut the same, no doubt to micrometer precision. Dull, predictable and PLAIN WRONG.

Tonight we have eaten proper, normal malt loaf. Lovely Girlfriend has sliced it up herself. Into totally random thicknesses. Each slice is moist and feels fantastic to bite into, each mouthful a delight.

All of which is good. But doesn't help Lovely Girlfriend remember the name of those chocolate button type things in packets of Revels but which weren't chocolate buttons. Or Minstrels.

Munchies

2006-02-16T22:37:00.000Z

I must apologise yet again for the lack of recent blogs. The more regular observer may assume this is down to Lovely Girlfriend, the less regular to sheer idleness. However none of these are the reason. The real reason is that I have been researching my subject. And that research has taken some time.

Snack foods. Those convenient bags or similar small packages of nutritionally pointless food. Around this time last month I, together with Lovely Girlfriend, felt a little peckish, and decided that the only reasonable course of action was to consume a packet of Frazzles each.

Frazzles (and not, as Lovely Girlfriend has just pointed out, Razzles - an entirely different form of sensory stimulation) are a corn based snack which looks (or looked...) a bit like a rasher of bacon. I'd really, really like to say tasted like a rasher of bacon as well. But I can't.

Anyway, we noticed the following: Frazzles are no longer as pink. The "rasher" effect is far more stylised and, frankly, crap. They taste perhaps almost less of bacon, too. And finally they are far more puffed up and much cornier. All in all quite a disappointment to the bacon flavoured snack connoissieur.

But that's not all. The following snacks have deteriorated over the years:

Milky Way: the middle bit has changed colour and taste (according to Lovely Girlfriend. I must admit I couldn't quite see it myself.)
Wagon Wheels: they have taken the jam out (except in the now "special" Jammy Wagon Wheels), they've shrunk, and most importantly of all, the marsh mallow layer is now pointlessly thin.
Walkers Roast Chicken Crisps: Don't taste like they used to.
Revels: Still quite similar but Lovely Girlfriend reckons the round flat chocolate disks without the coating (ie NOT Minstrels) used to be available in bags on their own, but don't seem to be any more. And if anybody says "Cadburys Buttons", say it very quietly.

There are, no doubt, many many other snack foods which have been altered over the years, probably by some masochistic "product development manager" who just wants to ruin our chances of remembering some small but pleasant part of our childhood, but the one which I am most upset by, the one which I reserve my most vitreous vitriol has to be Hula Hoops. They still seem to taste exactly the same. But they have shrunk. When I was 18 I could fit Hula Hoops onto the end of all of my fingers. Almost. Now, there is no chance. My fingers haven't grown, so Hula Hoops must have shrunk. Terrible. It's almost upsetting enough to make me want to comfort eat...

Friday the Thirteenth

2006-01-13T21:34:00.000Z

What's so spooky about Friday 13th? Who decided it was "unlucky"? I've had a far better day today than yesterday, the supposedly far-less-unlucky Thursday 12th. Here's a comparison of "relatively lucky" Thursday 12th and "unlucky" Friday 13th:

Thursday 12th
Have to leave for work late, due to severe traffic. Unlucky!
Arrive at station and manage to catch train straight away! My luck is in again...
Doors fall off train, one station before the one I need. Oops! Unlucky...
Have to walk the last mile to work. But it's not raining! What a stroke of luck.
Have to work for what's left of the working day by the time I actually get to work. Unlucky.
On way home, get stuck behind man in Rover. Rover cars have a special device which causes the driver to ensure that they are always at least 10mph inside the relevant speed limit of the road. Wherever possible, in the outside lane, just in case, at some point in the next 3 miles, they may need to turn right. Tedious, and not the luckiest situation.
Go to lovely girlfriend's and get monged on bootleg ouzo. At least the day ends nicely.

And so to...
Friday 13th
Have day off work so lie in. Nice, how lucky.
Do unspeakable things with lovely girlfriend. My luck was in there...
Wander round shops and buy vodka for later. Middling, luck-wise, as no man really enjoys wandering around shops, though the vodka purchase improved the situation.
Take girlfriends kids to feed ducks in park. Ducks run away, wind howls and ears get cold. But I need fresh air as I have a bit of a bunged up head. Result.
And so to the evening, relaxing with lovely girlfriend and the aforementioned vodka. Not especially bad luck, I feel.

Now, some may say my evidence is not truly empirical, however, from the evidence I have gathered, it seems clear that Thursday 12th, and NOT Friday 13th, is actually the unluckiest day. I think it is time to rehabilitate Friday 13th, to rescue it from the hands of cheap horror movie makers and the superstitious, to recognise it's useful and positive contribution to the calendar as a whole. Let's put a stop to this terrible injustice against an innocent day. Free Friday the Thirteenth!

At the Post Office...

2006-01-06T17:51:00.000Z

At the Post Office today in Chavsfield, I spotted:

2 overly large pushchairs containing overly large children and pushed by overly large women
7 women who have not used shampoo in many, many weeks
1 obvious heroin addict
2 other people apart from me (and the staff) who really didn't want to be in the Post Office
9 pensioners of varying states of decrepitude

Curiously, all of these individuals, with the possible exception of one of the pushchair children were female.

So it was quite a quiet morning, really. In fact I only had to queue for about 10 minutes. Well done to the Post Office, I say!

Happy New Year

2006-01-05T19:53:00.000Z

Time for another of my increasingly infrequent posts... and the first of the new year.

Christmas is finally over, and kids everywhere are back at school - which of course means that traffic is ridiculous again in the morning, and getting down roads near schools becomes near impossible. Not that that has bothered me for the last two mornings, as finally, sadly, my old car made it's final journey to the scrapyard this morning. I have to say this was a quite emotional journey as the car and I have been through a lot together, but it was rather worn out, and unfortunately, it decided the other night to do a Herbie and try and start itself. Quite bizarre - although unsuccessful I am glad to report.

So, having obtained a new car, I now have one of the greatest joys imaginable to look forward to tomorrow - queueing up in the Post Office to get a tax disk... ah, pensioners, pushchairs and peasants - all in a line - if that doesn't give me something to rant about then I guess little else will...

Still Alive And Well...

2005-12-21T21:29:00.000Z

... just having trouble finding time to do this. And things to rant about.

Coming Festivities...

2005-12-05T19:48:00.000Z

It's now getting scarily close to my 35th birthday. In two weeks I shall be not just another year older, but have finally reached half of my allotted three score year and ten. However, I have decided to postpone my midlife crisis for a little longer. Until January at least.

Happy

2005-11-27T17:02:00.000Z

Oh dear, I'm all happy again. Plays havoc with my already intermittent posting! I'll try and think of something to moan about soon...

Ho Ho Ho (part 2)

2005-11-14T20:58:00.000Z

Valhalla's first rule of Chavdom:

the quantity of gaudy Christmas decorations in any given area of white trash is inversely proportional to the average income of the inhabitants.

Ho Ho Ho...

2005-11-12T18:00:00.000Z

Yep, first Christmas lights have gone up around here...

Monsoon II

2005-11-08T23:37:00.000Z

Ah, still the rain comes. Excellent. Presumably as a result of the rain I've not heard a single firework tonight. Not one.

But what do the "bored" youth of today do when it's raining? And why can't they do whatever it is they are doing when it's not raining as well, rather than hanging around hoofing around footballs/fireworks on street corners?

Meanwhile, Christmas lights will be going up around here in the next week or so, I suspect...

"Mum's School"

2005-10-30T17:28:00.000Z

Has anybody seen the latest Kinder chocolate advert? The one featuring mothers being told that they should buy their kids Kinder chocolate? Is it not one of the most offensive adverts ever produced? It is isn't it?

First, I'm a dad (albeit an occasional one). Perhaps in advert world I am busy watching football down the pub, and therefore unlikely to buy confectionary for my sprogs? Do these people live in the same world as us?

Second, what kind of message is this giving out? You are a bad parent if you a: don't buy your kids chocolate, and b: don't buy them Kinder chocolate?

Third, the actual advert itself is utterly obnoxious - aside from the sexist, sugar-pushing nature of the thing, there's just something about it... Grrrrrrrrrrrr....

Now they've just shown a "Mums go to Iceland" ad.... I knew there was a reason I don't watch TV much...

On Chavs...

2005-10-22T23:46:00.000+01:00

Tonight's topic of discussion: what is the collective noun for chavs. Horde is too obvious. Hood is a possibility, but might play to their "gangsta" ideals. My favourite suggestion is scrote. A "scrote of chavs" has a ring, I think. Probably a sovereign ring....

Monsoon

2005-10-12T20:14:00.000+01:00

Autumn continues apace today, with the arrival of torrential rain and the obligatory floods and traffic chaos. On the plus side I have fixed my car, and therefore didn't have to root around under the bonnet getting soaked to make it start, and on the negative side, I got soaked anyway just walking to the car, and then the damned windows steamed up so badly I couldn't actually see where to drive anyway. Lovely.

Ghosties and Ghoulies

2005-10-04T21:38:00.000+01:00

It's sad to see that Ronnie Barker has died. But perhaps best not to attempt a eulogy, and let him speak for himself.

Please, no...

2005-09-21T20:32:00.000+01:00

I've just heard some dreadful news. Shocking, terrible, unpleasant news.

Yes, despite reports to the contrary, Cliff Richard has decided to continue to inflict his "music" on us all.

Ashes!

2005-09-12T18:48:00.000+01:00

England just won the ashes. Blimey. Not much more to say, really.

Chavsfield Intifada

2005-09-05T19:01:00.000+01:00

I really don't know why, in my last post about Hurricane Katrina, I expressed suprise that society broke down so quickly. A quick look outside my window into the street shows groups of children hurling stones at each other for apparently no obvious reason. Take away any small possibility of intervention from any kind of authority and I'm sure that stones would give way to pitched battles with whatever came to hand.

This stone throwing ritual seems to come to a head at around the end of August/beginning of September. I believe it may be some kind of celebration of the coming end of the long school holiday. When they finally return to their schools/special units in a day or so, everything will quieten down for a few weeks... after all, they need a bit of a break to get their energy back for the coming firework hurling season.

Katrina

2005-09-01T23:04:00.000+01:00

I'm sure this is a touchy subject, and I'm not wanting to in any way demean the terrible situation of anybody affected, but frankly, it's no wonder Iraq is in the situation it is when you look at what's currently happening in the US in New Orleans. Setting aside the question of just why the area has become (reportedly) lawless so quickly - not a good reflection on "modern" society if it regresses that quickly - if the US government can't control one of their own cities perhaps they shouldn't be trying to stamp their authority on other countries...

Cold

2005-08-31T20:08:00.000+01:00

No, not the weather, what I'm suffering from. At least I hope its a cold... it could be bird flu? Although since I gave up licking geese that should be less of a likelyhood!

Blimey!

2005-08-29T18:47:00.000+01:00

Just noticed I've been at this blogging malarkey now for a whole year... almost non-stop. Marvellous.

Tension

2005-08-28T19:04:00.000+01:00

My stress levels today are reasonably high - I had a late night and an early morning. And yesterday was similar. I'm a bit strung on caffeine. So what did I not need? Yet another tense cricket match!

Fags

2005-08-23T21:45:00.000+01:00

Cough, choke, splutter, wheeze... but I'll be okay... I just need to start saving so I can buy some new organs in a few years! Maybe they could bring back tokens like they used to have in packets of fags, but instead of a cheap set of saucepans after smoking hundreds of packs you could get some new lungs...

Automotive Engineering

2005-08-21T19:02:00.000+01:00

I'm sure many people will remember the classic episode of Fawlty Towers where Basil beats his car with a branch. Very funny that scene. Personally, I'm not keen on violence, but if my car doesn't start next time I try it, I'll be finding a piece of tree and teaching it a lesson it won't forget...

Suntan

2005-08-18T18:27:00.000+01:00

Returned this afternoon from a few days away with my son. We both had a brilliant time (though next time I go camping I'm not going to decide that the airbeds are too much hassle - lack of sleep through discomfort is far more hassle than spending half an hour pumping up a reasonably comfortable bed!) and unlike last year's effort at camping this time I haven't come back in a state of total penury. Just to finish off the overwhelming positive tone of this post, I even managed to top up my tan a bit!

Best of all, I wasn't going to bother actually going away, a plan that was on my mind right until the night before we did go away. I'd have dropped a much less tired and happy child to his mother this afternoon if I'd stuck with plan A!

Many, many thanks to the special person who changed my mind.

Nasty

2005-08-13T19:57:00.000+01:00

Those well known peddlars of cod-reggae UB40 once sang about a rat in the kitchen. "There's a rat in my kitchen what I'm a going to do", they sang. Its a song that I dislike, as are most of their tunes, but one which I was reminded of last night, when I found a rat in my kitchen. Unlike them, I decided that rather than singing about it, I was going to get rid of it. Cue 10 minutes of drunken rat-chasing involving a broomstick and a large lump-hammer.

After much to-ing and fro-ing, the little bleeder at various times seeking shelter in the back of my freezer and under my cooker, I eventually managed to despatch it in a reasonably humane way by the swift application of my size 12 boot.

So if any of UB40 ever read this, a: please retire; and b: if there's a rat in your kitchen again, stamp on it - that'll fix it.

Finally...

2005-08-12T18:51:00.000+01:00

My week off work starts now.... with a large vodka...

Meatballs

2005-08-07T20:00:00.000+01:00

Swedish meatballs. Lovely. But the side-effects... unspeakable!

Cricket

2005-08-06T20:23:00.000+01:00

Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, etc, etc.

Looking ahead...

2005-08-04T19:55:00.000+01:00

This time next week I will be looking forward to a whole week off work. Today, I'm just waiting for tomorrow and a weekend off work (hopefully...)

Although I'm not going away anywhere during my time off, I have managed to find some ideas for next year's holiday.

Smug

2005-08-01T21:22:00.000+01:00

I am quite excessively pleased with myself right now, because I have managed to create yet another new page for my website. I may be on a roll...

Ha!

2005-07-31T19:54:00.000+01:00

I was pleased to read today that Michael Jackson's latest "Greatest Hits" record has sold appallingly in the States. No, not because of certain allegations which he was cleared of in court, just because I think he's one of the most over-rated tossers ever. Okay, there were a few pleasant-ish tunes, if you like that kind of thing, back in the early days before he went totally mad, but nothing that really explains quite how popular he became. Good riddance, I hope.

On an entirely different note, I actually managed to get my new website page up today - quite appallingly, the first new page in 8 months. I am resolved to doing better than this!